3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
