God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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