Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
