i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
