your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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