have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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