just come out here and I will go home with you...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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