after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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