my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
