toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
