it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
