he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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