Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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