now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
