I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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