If i come over, it means nothing
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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