i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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