I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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