i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
