alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
