worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
