True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
