Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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