i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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