My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
