i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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