So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
