dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
