I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
