I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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