I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
