I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
