Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your dad touched me again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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