drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
