well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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