What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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