threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
