someone threw a dead crab at me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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