Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
