Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
