Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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