he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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