talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
