She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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