Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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