a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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