Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
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Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?