i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.