It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways