I'm really into asian looking animals
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
