Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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