He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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