Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
