This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize