The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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