dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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