Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
