I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
being pregnant is like rehab
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
