i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
