at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
