next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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