I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
BRING THE BAGELS
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
